Heaven is for Real

This last Monday, my mother, grandmother, and myself all went to see the movie Heaven is for Real. I had read the book, and I remembered it rather well. Originally I just thought it would be a good time to spend with my mom, and grandma. I had no idea what kind of reaction I would get from the movie. Here's some backstory for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about:

Basically the movie is based on a true story in which this mother, and father have to rush their youngest child to the emergency room. They find out that he has appendicitis. His body is filling up with fluids that shouldn't be in certain parts of his body, and he is close to death. Each of the Burpos take it differently. The mother phones friends to ask them to pray for her son, and her husband (who is a pastor) takes some time by himself to yell at God, and let out his frustrations. That right there has a lesson in it, but it is not the focus of my writing today. Let's just leave it at the idea that both responses are perfectly natural. After these natural responses, something supernatural happens. The boy is cured, and healed. Not only is he healed, but he starts to talk about his trip to heaven, and how he saw Jesus. He also mentions seeing a lot of family members that he has never met before this trip. In fact, there are many that he met that were alive long before he was. Only one of these people had a really strong effect on me. That was his sister. Colton Burpo, who is the boy that went to heaven without dying, has two sisters. One of them is alive, and well. The other was a child that his mother miscarried. The Burpos had not named her, so she had no name in heaven.

My mother knows the stories better than I do, but she had told me how she had had six miscarriages before I was finally born. I am an only child, but I am also the youngest of seven siblings, but I was the only one who got to have a taste of life on this earth, while my siblings got to be in heaven much sooner than I. I asked my mom if she had named any of my siblings. I got two names.

Sarah, and Jill.

Oddly enough, these names haunted me in a very strange way for the whole week. A lot of emotions became wrapped up in those names. Love. Hope. Mourning. I felt love for my siblings, and especially my two sisters Jill, and Sarah. I also felt hope that I will meet them someday in heaven, and get to spend time with my older siblings. The last one is the strangest to me because I mourned for them. I felt sad that they did not get to spend time here. I also felt a little guilt that I had never bothered to ask my mother the names of my siblings before, and that in a way I had dehumanized them. I truly hope they forgive me for that someday. I have had many conversations with my best friend about these things, and she has been a great comfort to me with it. It is my hope that I will meet them someday.

A Man's Job

"Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our own good, in order that we may share in his holiness." - Hebrews 12:9-10

In explanation of the picture, I feel like it relates, and I love Star Wars. My real issue is with the above verse. I get it that I may not be the intended audience, or something, but I have an issue.

As much as it pains me to say, the writer of Hebrews is wrong. "How is he wrong?" you may ask. He is not wrong about how we should submit to God more than our earthly father. He is not wrong in that God disciplines us for our own good. We should, and He does. I have no contention with that.

My issue is with the first sentence. "Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it." For those of you who know me, this sentence is not true for me. I never had a physical, human father that disciplined me. My mother did, and I love her for it. I love that my mom took on the hard job of raising me on her own. I love my mom more than I can say. I love what my mom did, and I would even say she did a good job of raising me.

But, for all the good she did, she could never take the place of that hole that was in my life. My dad was missing, and it was noticeable. It is a man's job to be a father.

As I look back, I see instances where God was there in some way, even though I did not see it at the time. I thank God that He saw it fit to adopt us as His sons and daughters. I take that to heart. That is one truth that has affected me in one of the most profound ways.

I had an earthly father, who did not want me. Did not want anything to do with me in my life, even to discipline me. Even to lead me, and teach me how to be a man. I learned that much later in life, from people who stepped in to do the teaching. It was not their job to do that. They chose to do that. My relationship with God was also a big part of that process too.

God chose to be our Father. God chose me. God chose you. He wants to teach, lead, and love you. Not because He has to, but because He wants to.

There is a generation of children that is growing up without a father. I am one of that generation. One person affected by the choices of one man, not to be a man.

I could sit here, and bash my father all I want, but that won't change a thing. I admit, I've learned a lot that I would not have learned as easily if he had been there. I learned how God is my Father. Without failings. Without fault. I learned how important a father is in a child's life. I learned how I want to be as a father. I learned that even as a father, I want to point my children in the direction of the One who made them. We should not assume that we should keep doing wrong, because there will be some good out of the wrong. As Paul says:

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"

I know that "abandoning your child" is not a typically listed sin, but I believe it a sin all the same. I feel as if my earthly father has sinned against me. He has committed an act that has affected me negatively. Most sins are of the same nature. Yes, I have forgiven him for it, and whether he ever finds that out or not is yet to be seen.

I do not write this, to complain about my circumstance. I think my circumstances have turned out alright. I think I am on a good path. No, my purpose for writing this is something much bigger than myself. I know I am not the only one out there.

I know some great fathers. I'm sure that you know who you are. If you know that you're a great father, keep it up! I love knowing there are great fathers out there.

I would just ask that we try to lower the rates of children that grow up without a father that at least tries. My father did not really try. I know that I will try if I am given the privilege of being a parent someday. I hope I am given that privilege.

If you've made it this far in this post; thank you for reading. Maybe keep this in your prayers. This is an issue that will not fix itself, and it will not be fixed over night.